Complainte de la Butte
by kamikazarii
Summary: Amir contemplates Hassan with a cat.


"I'm going out, Amir jan. I think were out of milk." Soraya called to him casually.

Once the door clicked into place, Amir retreated into the comfort of his work.

He had a good life here. America was the hole to bury the darkness of his heart, and to fill the emptiness left by Hassan.

Amir settled back into his comfy, cushioned chair. He and Soraya had settled into married life long ago, the formality, the glamour, and the taut happiness bleeding into mundane routine as washed ink on paper.

His newest manuscripts demanded attention for the road-kill that marked its red trail all over his paper when a _scritch-scratching_ sound came at his door.

The first thought that bubbled into mind was to ignore the sound, but as it became more prevalent, Amir yanked the door open and after looking down, discovered a cat.

Not a cat, but more of a kitten, world-weary and knowing the fierceness of one. Amir picked it up, which the kitten, docile enough, let him. The small animal looked at him pleadingly, and Amir's breath hitched. The creature had the same eyes as Hassan. It was bleach-white, like hospital floors and apple blossoms, but its eyes were sharp and green, the color of tropical leaves. The kitten purred, longing for the warm comfort of Amir's starchy shirt, claws sheathed. A small dish of cream was set before the furry mass on Amir's lap.

_Ah. The same temperament as Hassan._

Amir thought this, unhappily bringing the animal closer to his chest. He could feel the delicate, bird-like bones beneath the skin. Hands roamed over the soft tufts, paying special attention to the outlines of the bones.

His eyelids drifted shut, reminiscing on the day where Hassan had tested the limits of Amirs unwavering, gentle love.

"_Hit me back! I spat, Hit me back, goddamn you!._"

Hassan had just stood there, an unwavering flag of his loyalty.

Amir tried his best to forget the incident, avoiding both pomegranates and the thoughts of Hassan or people who were as kind as that. Sometimes he saw the fleshy fruits already opened to the bloody gems inside. They were around Soraya, who loved them, but Amir sometimes felt an icy pain along his chest, not knowing why.

It was hard to attempt feeling again, to grope blindly at what kind of thing he really felt for Hassan when he was a child in their kingdom by the sea.

"I loved you," He tried speaking this loudly to the cat, wondering if it felt right. This fragile creature was not his childhood friend. However, hope prevails and so a shard was gleaming enough to wonder if the cat would somehow forgive him as Hassan could.

"I love you!" The kitten, startled, stared at him with its slanted green eyes peeking from its wide face.

_No, my love was never so unconditional._

Any correct phrase, he reasoned, would resonate within him when it felt right.

"I hate you," he spoke in a harsher tone.

This time, the kitten looked at him almost questioningly, head cocked.

_No, no. That's not right either. I don't hate you. I never did._

_Did you hate me?_

Amir asked this as he gently tugged at the cheekbones on the kittens face as if to pinch a doll's cheeks.

_Did you like me? Or did you love me because you were ordered to?_

The cat yawned, baring its fangs, benignly invisible before.

No, this cat was nothing like Hassan.

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Years later, Amir would meet Sohrab again, the same age as he and Hassan were when they played underneath the blue Afghan sun where everything was right and wrong was merely an innocent concept played in the mind of the demons. The sun would shine brilliantly again, crickets would chirp their love songs, and the sunset would still glow over the dusty wheat and rooftops.

Amir would wonder if he ever answered those questions long ago. He had plenty of time to ask him, but seeing the same round, soft face made him forget to ponder this aloud. This wasnt the type of question to be answered years later when you shed the shell of childhood.

No, it doesn't matter anymore, Amir decided. He was a man now. Perhaps he was not when he asked these questions, but there is no room for self-doubt anymore.

He would atone for his sins, once and for all.

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_The song's title is a song from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Somehow, Amir and Hassan's brotherly friendship reminds me of it, somehow. It's just the song's prettiness. That's it, the prettiness._


End file.
